When you are creating man at arms click around and check what man at arms local rullers use, that way you can create regiments that will counter enemy man at arms and avoid being countered by them. You can also use hooks to revoke tittle(going intrigue tree can be useful because you can produce false hooks on your vassals for example) and that way you can revoke their tittle without any resistance or modify vassals contracts, force vassals to convert to your religion or force vassals to allow you to become ward for their children. If you befriend vassal you get massive +60 opinion, which also means they won't be joining any factions, they will most likely convert to your religion, they will agree to stop wage wars against other vassals and even if they grabbed land from other vassals they will most likely agree on tittle revoke without war on you. If you want your vassals to stop joining your factions or approve new inheritance laws you can sway them or go diplomacy tree and befriend them. If you need to give away dutchy, make sure you are giving dutchy tittle to a person who holds dutchy capitol(you can click on dutchy and near bottom you will see what county is the capital), you don't want your vassals to get too strong or hold too many counties because they will rebel or join independence factions.
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